


Stuff: A List

by asdfgjkl



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Mostly anime compliant, Post S2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asdfgjkl/pseuds/asdfgjkl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course, Kaneki the Great Student of Literature would never be caught dead uttering a vague, manner-maxim flouting word like "<i>stuff</i>", but desperate situations call for desperate measures, and, hey, did you know that almost being caught dead was, in reality, worse than actually being caught dead?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuff: A List

  * **The Cliched First Meeting:** during which the sunshine-like deuteragonist befriended the protagonist with his sunshine-like smile that said protagonist would catch hanging around him years into their friendship. 



Kaneki was doing something of mild importance that day. Obviously, he couldn't remember  _what_ , but there were crayons littered about the spot he's claimed on the grassy river bank, and so he rightly assumed the bundle of pages he recalled to be on his lap as a coloring book. He was picking up a stick of blue - and this color he remembered exactly because it had, might he say,  _plot relevance_  - when someone clapped both hands onto the peaks of his shoulders and startled him into throwing the crayon in the air. 

"What's that?" an overly-excited voice excited in a slur that confused the clear distinction of both words into a dull, buzzing  _z._

Refusing to make the same mistake, Kaneki made sure to draw out his reply and enunciate properly, giving each word the time they deserved; nothing less and nothing more. Of course, he wasn't entirely sure this wasn't his subconscious' idea of glorifying his younger self by overwriting his memory, but the lilt at the end of his sentence, "It's the sky," innocent and childlike, was definitely not a subconscious tweaking of anything. 

"The sky?" Sincere puzzlement. 

"Yeah," Kaneki replied, dragging the word.

"Why are you drawing the sky?" 

"It's... pretty?"

The frown dropped off his little guest's face as laughter threatened to overwhelm him. "Stuuuupid. Girls are pretty. The sky isn't." Kaneki turned then, giving the boy a proper look for the first time. He understood the concept of  _contrast_  as much as he mastered the art of expressing pretty skies in different ways, but there were some things that didn't require prior learning to grasp, like: shaggy, blonde hair; sunlit eyes and golden smiles. It roused an instinctive thing within Kaneki, stirred from slumber by the shot of sweet hazelnut syrup staring back at him. 

There was a quasi-blush as Kaneki fumbled with the crayon he dropped and went back to his picture. He could feel the other boy leaning even closer, shallow breaths ghosting the skin of his neck, almost as if he was inspecting Kaneki's picture. "What's your name?" he asked. Again, the words came out as an unending string of sounds, all jumbled up.

"Um," Kaneki managed, before the rest of his sentence was caught by a honeyed net in his throat.

"Um?"

"Kaneki. Ken. Nice to-" He made to stand up and bow then, not realizing until two seconds later that the sudden spike of pain through his forehead was caused by the both of them bumping against each other as Hide attempted a bow as well. "Nice to meet you, Umkaneki Ken!" he exclaimed, rubbing his head but otherwise appearing fine. "I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi." 

"Ah, no, Nagachika-san. Just Kaneki," he corrected. "Ken."

Nagachika made an understanding noise. "Ooooh. That's why your name sounded weird." 

The flashback ended there - no more reel to play, no epilogue after the ending credits - but Kaneki was discussing literary techniques, wasn't he? That would not stop for a long time; not until his own heart stopped beating, and okay, maybe "for a long time" was too much of a bluff for his tastes considering the current situation he was in, but. Contrast. Shaggy, blonde hair and sunlit eyes. 

Hide.

There were some things that didn't require prior learning to grasp. Hide, easily handing out everything he's got to Kaneki, like it wasn't worthy of the highest praise and Hide, always there with one of his smiles when Kaneki turned to look at him; always trying to make Kaneki smile himself. Hide, and  _those smiles_ , and Kaneki's yearning for those smiles. Knowledge instilled within Kaneki's core because  _those smiles_ ,  _Hide_  -  _they make up my fo_ _ur pillars; brick upon brick of what I stand on._

 

  * **The Plot Twist:** where the shy protagonist chased after his deuteragonist and asked if he'd like lunch, together; watched as the deuteragonist beamed and thought about how all the hard work he'd put into unfailingly dropping by the protagonist's class every lunch for the past few months has paid off.



Their initial meeting happened over one fine Spring some years back, but it wasn't until Primary that Hide started  _really_  trying to wriggle his way into Kaneki's life - waiting for Kaneki so they could walk home together before suddenly appearing in front of Kaneki's doorsteps in the morning so they could walk  _to school_  together, all because he caught the boy making a left one block away from his own left two weeks ago and realized the proximity of their houses; coercing the quiet kid to join Journalism Club so they could ride through Hide's gossip-digging phase together, not occurring to him the effect this might have on Kaneki, who purely enjoyed writing much more than Hide did; asking Kaneki to accompany him shop for stationary on the third Saturday of every second month, never taking "no" for an answer; and, of course, dropping himself on Kaneki every lunch like a bomb, bento carelessly dumped on the boy's desk before he joined Kaneki's table with the usually vacant desk beside his.

Today, however, was an anomaly. There hadn't been a single hint of Hide or his antics, and it's been two hours since Kaneki has woken up. As much as he tried to, he couldn't stop the question of what his friend was up to from looping around his head, distracting him from everything else.

Which was why he was standing outside Hide's homeroom, packed lunch in one hand, the other curled into a fist that was ready to knock on the door, when it slid open, revealing a boy two times his size. He shoved Kaneki out of the way before running down the hallway to shouts of reprimands: "Don't run, Yamaguchi!" 

"Kaneki! Are you okay?" The blonde hair his day has been missing until then peeked out of the doorway, leaving Kaneki flustered on the floor, under the intent gaze. 

Hide had this special power. It was his  _eyes._ When they were fixated on Kaneki, the rest of the world would swim away, out of his vision, so that there was only Hide and him in the world. 

A hand appeared in front of his face, and Kaneki took it appreciatively, using it to pull himself up. "I'm fine," he said. "Thank you."

"Sure," he breezed, waiting until Kaneki was on his feet before continuing, "So? What are you doing here?"

"I-" If Hide had his eyes, Kaneki had his throat. It's supernatural ability to clog the flow of his words was astounding. At least Hide was more experienced this time around, and patiently allowed Kaneki some time to compose himself. "I-"

"Are you looking for me?" Hide teased. Or, he would be, if Kaneki didn't know Hide was only trying to save him from saying it himself. 

That didn't stop the pink from infiltrating his cheeks though. "D-Do you want to eat lunch with- together?" 

"Yeah," Hide enthused, before grabbing Kaneki by the wrist and maneuvering them inside his homeroom. It was a first for them, eating in Hide's 3C instead of Kaneki's 3A, but that was because this was the first time Kaneki's taken the initiative to look for  _him._

Hide felt something blossoming in his chest. 

"Is that your table?" Kaneki asked, pointing at an unassuming block of wood in the middle of class, on top of which Hide's backpack laid. 

"Nah. We were playing games and stuff there, so," he let his sentence trail off as Kaneki nodded. 

Lunch was over as quick as usual, and Kaneki refused Hide's offer to walk him to homeroom. "It's only two classes over," he reasoned, and Hide had begrudgingly let him go. His homeroom was as loud as the boy himself, and Kaneki needed some time away from all that noise before class started. 

So he took a really long time getting there, all the while thinking about how nice this lunch thing with Hide actually was.

 

  * **The Turning Point** : when the protagonist's obligatory Tragic Event happened and he lost himself only to find himself again, in his unchanging, unwavering deuteragonist. 



Black wasn't his favorite color. In fact, it was probably his least favorite color. It was so dull, and the fact that he's had to live with such a coloring on his head for his whole life did nothing to increase its appeal. The other fact - that black was a solemn color, making it appropriate for everyone in attendance to be dressed in it - only served to make Kaneki hate it even more. 

In a way, wasn't a funeral a celebration of someone's death? His mother was departing for a faraway place where she didn't have to work until her bones fell off. Wasn't that a good thing? Why did it have to be sad? Why was  _he_  crying? Why were they all dressed in  _black_? 

Hide was the first to hug him after he arrived with his aunt. He had thrown a fit when he changed into the despicable set of black they had bought him. He thought he had spent all his tears then, but here they were again, flowing freely out of his eyes. 

Neither of them said anything. Kaneki did not tell Hide how glad he was for his mother and Hide did not conveniently know the right words to comfort him with; nothing like, "I really like the black of your hair and the black of your eyes," or "I'm still here", though the latter was probably redundant anyway. 

Kaneki already knew that. And Hide knew that he knew. 

Kaneki burrowed his face deeper into the crook of Hide's neck as his hand found its way into the beginnings of soft hair. His fingers carded through them in such soothing a rhythm that Hide was soon laughing and pulling away, just enough for them to speak while facing each other. "That tickles," Hide grumbled jokingly. Kaneki stopped, and Hide took the chance to pry the boy's fingers away from his nape, holding it in his own. "I'm sorry," he said. Kaneki nodded.

"Wanna sleepover tonight?" 

Kaneki nodded again. 

Sleeping together, in the same bed, was a given between them - especially during sleepovers. It had started out as a way for Hide to reduce his luggage when packing for a weekend at Kaneki's because the boy was too selfish to return Hide the favor every once in a while, but it grew easily into a habit, which was to be expected considering that they did most of everything else together.

Plus, curling around someone else three hours past one's normal sleeping time was the childhood version of drinking out of soberness but not into drunkenness - just enough for loose tongues to slip out a few things they wouldn't have otherwise. 

"I'm scared," Kaneki whispered.

"Of?" 

"Living with my aunt."

Hide grabbed both his hands and said, valiantly, "Stay with me." 

As much as Kaneki appreciated the effort, and as much as he wanted to answer in the affirmative, he knew that was impossible. He shook his head.

"Why not? My parents-"

"Hide," Kaneki said, shooting him a look.

He didn't remember exactly when he started calling the boy by his first name, a bit weird considering Hide was still referring to him by his last and Hide was supposed to be the outgoing one. But that didn't really matter. It felt right in the moment, it felt right before, and it would probably feel right later on. Always. 

They fell asleep then, just like that - hands still grasping onto the other for dear life, bodies still drawn in like complementing apostrophes. 

 

  * **The Extremely Touching Effort:**  when the protagonist asked the deuteragonist which university he was applying to, only to have the question asked back at him. "Kamii," the protagonist said. "Kamii?" his deuteragonist echoed, before flashing him yet another one of his smiles. "Me too then."



It was worrying how much time Hide's been spending hunched over a bunch of textbooks these days, eyes darting from one page to another as he cross-checked answers or sheepishly cheated off a formula he'd tried to remember but failed on a million, separate occasions. Normally, Kaneki would be glad for this change of heart, especially since graduation was dawning upon them and it wouldn't hurt to leave school with good grades, but his happiness for Hide's newfound diligence was outweighed by guilt. 

He knew why Hide was suddenly trying so hard, and he didn't like that  _he_  was the reason. 

"Hide," he tried again and again, this time too, "are you sure you want to go to Kamii? All this studying must be bad for your health." 

Of course that didn't waver Hide's resolution, not one bit, though it did earn Kaneki a hearty laugh. "Really?" Hide said, eyes twinkling with a fancy mix of glee and fondness. "Rich coming from the bookworm who's always got his nose in a book." 

They knew each other well enough that Kaneki no longer possessed the decency to blush at such a jab; he was sure Hide meant no true harm by the statement anyway, so instead of wasting time heating his face up for no reason, Kaneki walked over from where he stood in the doorway of Hide's room to where his friend was sitting behind a large, wooden desk - crumpled up against himself and chewing on the eraser end of a pencil. 

"You look very pale," Kaneki murmured when he was right behind Hide, hands sticking stiffly to his side, as if he was preparing to belt out the national anthem.

Hide took that as a cue to turn and face Kaneki, his wheeled chair gliding smoothly on the white tiles. "Not as bad as you," he joked. 

"Hide."

"Kaneki."

" _Hide_."

"Okay, okay, fine," he whined. "I'll stop studying and watch your movie. That's the real reason you asked me to stop, right? Because you want my company." He nudged his shoulder into Kaneki's side teasingly, though his hands were quick to come up and steady the boy when he almost fell over, unbalanced by Hide's push. 

"Did you lose more weight?" Hide demanded on his way out, stopping when he realized Kaneki wasn't following him. He gave the boy a side glance. "What's wrong?"

Kaneki did not reply, only stared at him while worrying at his lips, the poor thing turning a swollen shade of red under the ministrations of his teeth. 

Hide softened, sighing. "Or do you wanna watch me sleep instead?" 

Kaneki nodded.

"Perv," Hide teased, but obligingly fell into his bed, pulling the covers over himself as Kaneki took a seat on Hide's spinning chair. 

"Rest well, Hide." 

"Mmm."

 

  * **The Pinch:** because the protagonist's transformation into a ghoul wasn't the biggest problem, not really, not when he was pushing his deuteragonist away like ghouls weren't just another thing he could look pass when it came to the protagonist.



Kaneki had an issue with Hide, possibly involving how literally sun-like his heart was, both in terms of size and intensity. He wasn't sure if this made it more convenient or  _in_ convenient for Hide to find out about his less-than-human attributes - whether or not it was even about convenience - but quickly decided that didn't matter, not when he was so goddamn exposed.

A hand came up to cup his left eye as he pleaded with Hide to leave, lest Kaneki hurt him, though of course his words fell on deaf, uncaring ears. Rarely did Hide find something to be stubborn for, but once he did, nothing could stop him from getting his way, not even Kaneki.

The look that lingered on Hide's face as Kaneki covered half of himself was unbearable. It was bittersweet enough to make him cry and laugh. And he wanted to - laugh like they had pulled another late night in the library and was just stopping by their favorite coffee shop for a cup to help keep them awake; cry like he was seven again and had scraped his knees falling off a stupid bicycle because he wasn't adept enough, face buried into his hands before Hide pried them apart and wiped off his tears, bandaged his wounds tenderly.

But he didn't do any of them, just kept concealing his shame until Hide couldn't take it anymore.

"Kaneki," he said, slowly, with infinite patience; his long-suffering friend, "I knew."

A smile.

"I knew."

Really, all Kaneki could do was stare at HIde, disbelieving. But when the boy just kept on smiling and smiling even bigger when Kaneki's hand lost its grip on his face, well.

The world lit up.

 

  * **The End:** he was going to miss him.



As Kaneki laid Hide down and watched the man with hair as white as his appear under the light, he thought of life in snatches of Hide. He had a lot of regrets, but right now, he felt like he had none. He received Hide's acceptance and that - maybe more than anything - was enough.

He surveyed his surroundings and took his time devouring the landscape with his eyes. There was so much snow, and Kaneki had so many things to say. He supposed it was enough that he had already placed Hide down on this blank, white sheet so that the words he'd written on them may seep into Hide, be heard by him.

Maybe.  _If luck is on our side_ , he thought, managing to forget in the split second it took him to dig his heels deeper into the snow and charge, that the overarching genre of this freak show he had somehow became an unwilling participant in was: tragedy.

There was the click of a quinque being released.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this like I enjoyed acoustic unravel playing to Kaneki carrying Hide. Man, that was some guilty, twisted enjoyment.


End file.
